Raucous Reception
by MissJayne
Summary: Sequel to Nuclear Nuptials. "She was amazed that Lily was still alive. Gibbs and Jenny were going to kill her soon." Jenny and Gibbs' wedding reception does not go smoothly. JIBBS, minor McAbby. Lily!
1. The Meal

Raucous Reception

_A/N1: Thanks to my wonderful beta Kristen!_

_A/N2: Some of the lines were shamelessly pilfered from Mock the Week. I couldn't resist, and neither could Lily. The lines involving Nibbles, the tattoo, and Imhotep (in the next chapter) are not mine. _

_For Aly, who requested Jibbs fluff. This is the only thing that might qualify from my little collection._

Chapter 1: The Meal

Ziva smiled as she looked around the reception hall. Jenny had arranged for it to be tastefully decorated with beautiful flowers and the odd nice-smelling candle. The wedding had not been a particularly large one, mainly attended by various friends. Gibbs and Jenny were seemingly entirely focused on each other, leaving another redhead to scowl and lurk.

The Israeli had enjoyed the wedding; she did not see enough of them in her opinion, spending most of her time at funerals. But a wedding was good, especially considering who it was. Jenny and Gibbs were perfect for each other. They argued like kittens and puppies at work, but they cared about each other. Jenny might be the fifth Mrs. Gibbs; however Ziva had a funny feeling she was going to be the last.

Although the other redhead was certainly capable of throwing a spanner in the works. Lily was busy being a nuisance, as usual. The CIA agent had been made to promise that she wouldn't do anything to interfere with the wedding, but Ziva did not trust her. She was always up to something; her scheming mind never rested. And the wedding was not over yet…

She looked over to where Abby and McGee were wrapped up in their own world. The Goth seemed to be taking mental notes on the things she liked, planning for her own forthcoming wedding. McGee was obediently trailing along behind her, making his fiancée smile and laugh to break her focus.

Tony and Ducky were in the middle of a group of Jenny's female friends. Tony was shamelessly flirting with anyone and everyone, while Ducky was being far more polite and… gentlemanly. Fornell appeared from the middle of the crowd, his face very pink. Ziva decided that she did not want to know what had just happened.

Her attention was caught by the arrival of food. Everyone rapidly found their seats. Ziva was amused to note that the team had been placed at the same table, while Lily, being the Maid of Honor, was sitting on the other side of Jenny. Her face had an innocent expression, which Ziva had learnt the hard way to associate with trouble. Now on her guard, she continued to scan the room.

* * *

Tony sighed as he tucked into his food. The salmon was gorgeous! He hadn't tasted anything as nice since…

He tried to remember. Probably the date with Mandy from Accounting, when they'd gone to the new restaurant only a block from the Navy Yard. He had spent the weekend lying on the bathroom floor, and the health inspectors had shut the place down not long after.

Shuddering, he placed his knife and fork down. The food might be nice, but it was giving him very bad flashbacks to the time he had wanted nothing more than to curl into himself and die. He reached for his glass and took a long drink.

"There a problem?" came a familiar voice behind him.

Tony glanced up to the main table first, to check which sister he was dealing with. Gibbs was paying her close attention, so Lily had to be the one behind him. "Not too fond of salmon," he confessed.

"I'm sure there was a chicken dish," Lily tried to recall. "And pork, because I've got that."

"Pork?" McGee checked. "Are you sure? It's not normally served at receptions."

Lily shrugged her shoulders softly. "Come to think of it, I'm sure my crackling had a tattoo…"

Tony winced, before spotting the grin on her face. "Quit joking around," he told her.

"Couldn't help it," she replied. "I could get you the chicken dish if you want?"

"Why are you being so nice?" he asked, suspicious. Lily always had something up her sleeve.

"My boss just paged me," she retorted. "Jenny sent me to call him and I don't want to. Wasting time is fine by me."

"I am sure your boss would want you to call him," Ziva added.

"He's only going to yell at me," Lily admitted. "Help yourself to Nibbles. He was our favorite hamster; it's what he would have wanted."

She walked away without a backwards glance. Tony chose to peer carefully at everything on offer. She might have been joking, but you never knew with Lily…

* * *

Lily returned from her phone call and settled back into her seat. She hoped begging Jenny for pork at the reception would be worth it – she had slipped laxatives into all the other food. From her brief walk around the tables, she had only seen two others tucking into the same meal as her. With a good bit of luck, the pills wouldn't start to take effect until everyone was leaving.

She might need the bathroom at some point tonight. She didn't want to end up in a horribly long queue. And she had a few more tricks to perform as well. She had never liked playing her games without some form of an audience, and she didn't make a habit of it. Jenny and LJ would want her dead by the end of this, if all went to plan.

And it usually did. She was a master at planning and execution, something her sister often forgot about. When she could be bothered, she could come up with dangerous, complex, fun games to play.

And this was no different. It was a game. Just because LJ had managed to persuade Jenny to walk up the aisle didn't mean the games were over. It certainly didn't mean she was going to take their relationship lying down. She was happy for her sister, but at the same time she felt as though she was being pushed out.

This would remind Jenny who was in charge. It would also remind LJ not to cross her. They had made her promise not to interfere in the wedding, but she hadn't been made to promise anything about the reception.

She had been planning for months, ever since Jenny had sat her down and told her about her engagement. Her mind had been working overtime, coming up with ideas to stretch her. She knew exactly what would happen in a few minutes – the toasts would begin.

The game was on.


	2. The Toasts

_Thanks to my wonderful beta Kirsten! Sorry about the slightly late update, but I'm trying to upload The Oncoming Storm and this on different days. And I cannot take any credit for what Lily does to get everyone's attention - I saw it on JAG and I've been dying to use it for ages._

Chapter 2: The Toasts

Timothy McGee struggled to stay awake as Ducky finished his toast. It had started out with a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, and proceeded to deviate for the last twenty minutes. Even Jenny and Gibbs looked bored.

There were only supposed to be four speeches. Jenny had gone first, leaving every woman with a tear in her eye and several crying. The notable exception was Lily, who passed the time by glaring at Gibbs. The boss had been next, only saying a few words, but they were well chosen. McGee had felt a lump in his own throat, and thought about his wedding to Abby in a few months.

Ducky had been placed next. Most of the guests, already under the influence of alcohol and great food, were starting to drop off to sleep. McGee suspected that the placement had been well thought out. Lily was the last one to go, and she would not play nicely. If half the room were asleep, it would lessen the impact somewhat.

Privately, McGee was torn about the speech. He knew Lily would relate something embarrassing, which he wanted to hear but he also didn't. If this were just the team, he wouldn't mind listening to an anecdote, but the room was full of mainly Jenny's friends. Lily had had months to come up with something truly mortifying, although she doubtless only needed seconds.

This was not going to end well…

Finally, Ducky finished his monologue and everyone gratefully took a sip of their drink. McGee took the opportunity to glance around the table and noted that the others were coming out of various degrees of unconsciousness. Tony had fallen asleep on the table, his snores lulling everyone else to sleep, but Ziva had woken him with a sharp prod and he had started awake. Abby's eyes were closed but she was still alert. Ziva had managed to listen to every word the kindly doctor had spoken.

Lily stood up; Gibbs and Jenny rolled their eyes. At least they suspected what was coming. The rest of the team were all suddenly attentive, anxious not to miss a word.

The redhead didn't disappoint.

* * *

Lily bit back a grin. She knew that Jenny and LJ knew what she was going to do, but that made it all the more fun. But first, she had to wake everyone up.

Ducky had sent over half the guests to sleep. Normally, Lily wouldn't mind. She enjoyed his stories, but was often in too much of a rush to listen to them. Today she had been able to savor every last word. Unfortunately, he had left her with only a small audience. LJ's team had woken up and were paying close attention to her, but that wasn't enough.

Reaching under the table, she rapidly pulled out something she had been forced to smuggle past security. She emptied the clip of the Uzi into the ceiling.

That woke everyone up.

Guests jumped out of their seats; some spilling their champagne, others falling over backwards, yet more knocking plates onto the floor. The security detail that were supposed to be protecting the Director of NCIS charged through the door, but she had already hidden the gun under the table again. LJ's merry band had all reached for their weapons in shock, although she had been too quick for them. LJ was restraining Jenny and looked as though he wanted to rip her limb from limb himself.

"I wanted to start out with a quote from Samuel Johnson," she began, keeping her voice calm. Everyone slowly settled back into their seats, most of them looking very nervous. "It was 'A second marriage: To the triumph of hope over experience'. But I felt, giving the groom's four previous marriages, that it wouldn't quite work."

This time, Jenny was the one doing the restraining; LJ had tried to get out of his seat. Impulsively, she stuck her tongue out at him.

"You know, when Jenny and I were young, impressionable college students, we once spent an evening coming up with a list of things we never wanted to do in our lives. I took the liberty of locating that list a few days ago and I was surprised at all the things on there."

Jenny was starting to look very nervous, with good reason.

"My list says that I never wanted to kill anyone. Broke that in less than five years. I never wanted to work for a boss. I still have to put up with my boss every day. I never wanted to settle down. Now I have a son. And I never wanted to jump out of a plane. Only broke that a week ago."

LJ looked slightly intrigued at the thought of this list. She had abbreviated it a bit, but she had been truly surprised at how many things they had both done when they were sure they wouldn't. Oh well. Jenny's list was much more fun.

"Jenny never wanted to fire a gun. Nevertheless, she went into an armed federal agency. She never wanted to go rock climbing. I dragged her up the side of a cliff a few years ago. She never wanted to stay up for forty hours straight. She's done a lot more than that in her current job. And finally, she never wanted to get married."

Lily turned to look at her sister. "Guess you broke that one," she grinned.

LJ was surprised, while Jenny looked murderous. And they hadn't heard the worst of it yet.

"I'd like to end with a little incident that happened when we were twenty. We were still youthful, innocent, and carefree then."

She ignored the snort that came from Jenny's direction.

"Jenny and I had a little bet going on the winner of the Superbowl. We picked opposing sides, and devised a forfeit for the loser. Needless to say, Jenny lost."

Jenny made another attempt to get up, but LJ restrained her. It was clear he wanted to know where this was going to end.

"As her forfeit, Jenny had to walk through the local mall, completely naked, singing nursery rhymes."

The room burst into laughter; Jenny went bright red and tried to hide her head.

"Pity I didn't get it on video," Lily smirked.

She allowed the laughter to die down naturally. There was no point in rushing it.

She raised her glass to finish her speech. "Don't worry, we don't say grace. We just sacrifice a child to the great god Imhotep."

* * *

Leroy Jethro Gibbs let his gaze travel around the room as McGee hooked up the video screens. Abby had come up with the idea of compiling a series of videos which showed Jenny and himself together, and he could not refuse her.

He couldn't believe he was married again! He was determined to make this work; Lily being the only possible spanner in the works. She had behaved during the ceremony itself, but seemed determined to make up for it now. He really hoped the toast had been the end of her tricks, but knew he would not be that lucky. She could still get in a few more blows before this was over.

Jenny slipped her hand into his and squeezed it. He smiled. He seemed to be doing that a lot these days. He loved her completely, and felt as though this whole day had been a dream. He was the luckiest man in the world.

After a few minutes, McGee attracted everyone's attention before pressing play.

It was not the tape they had been promised.

Instead, breathy moans came through the speakers and the screen was very dark. He knew immediately what this was.

Lily must have bugged their bedroom!

She was going to be dead when he got his hands on her. She had excused herself just a minute ago, and visited his team's table. Now she was chuckling with them, although it seemed they had not been in on her plan. McGee had gone bright red and fiddled with the remote for a few moments before the screen went blank.

"Erm, wrong video," he announced nervously.

Half of the guests were laughing, while the other half looked horrified. Gibbs was more worried about Jenny. He slipped his arm around her and whispered in her ear.

"I can shoot her form his distance," he offered.

"Costs too much to get blood out of the carpet," she hissed back.

"It'd be worth it," he muttered.

Jenny shook her head. "I'll scream at her when this is over. For now, let's just enjoy ourselves."

He settled back in his chair, not letting go of her. The second video had better be the right one, or he was going to ignore his new wife and kill Lily in front of the guests, paying whatever it took to get the bloodstains out of the carpet.

This time it went off without a hitch. He found himself smiling at the images on the screen. Him and Jenny laughing on a date. He guessed one of the team must have followed and secretly filmed them. Him and Jenny having an argument on the stairs in the squad room. Him and Jenny sharing a hurried kiss in the hallway when they thought they were not being observed. Him bringing coffee to Jenny, barging into her office in the process.

He decided to reward Abby with extra Caf-Pows. This had been a good idea. He could only hope that Lily had no more tricks up her sleeve.


	3. Dancing Queen

_Thanks to my wonderful beta Kristen! One more chapter to go after this..._

Chapter 3: Dancing Queen

Ziva David understood a few things about dancing. It was all about rhythm and timing. It was about grace and elegance. And it was very nice to do with a person whom you loved.

She enjoyed dancing at weddings. Dancing was a celebration of happiness, of joy, and a wedding should certainly be joyous. Lily might be going out of her way to cause havoc, but surely even the CIA agent could not come up with something to spoil the dancing.

Although she had certainly been preparing for this for a while, judging by the toast and the video. However, Lily could have written her speech overnight, but it probably required practice to say it with a straight face. And as for smuggling a weapon into a reception… She was amazed that Lily was still alive. Gibbs and Jenny were going to kill her soon.

Ziva let her mind drift to what her own wedding could be like. When she was younger, she had never imagined getting married. Her thoughts were all tied up in Mossad, and how she would die for her country. But now, older and wiser, she accepted the possibility of falling in love.

Still, marriage was perhaps not her thing. She was too impulsive, too stubborn, too deadly with a paperclip. In the heat of an argument, she might be tempted to lash out. Not that she had ever done so before, but there was always the possibility.

She knew her father wanted grandchildren, and she was well aware that she was the only one of his children left who could possibly provide him with any. He never failed to remind her that time was slowly passing her by. But she had never felt the rush nor the urge to marry before. She did enjoy seeing two people who obviously cared a lot about each other get married though. It warmed her heart.

Jenny and Gibbs slowly rose from their seats to much applause. Gibbs led his new wife to the dance floor, and the music began.

But it wasn't the music she had been expecting. And judging from the expressions on their faces, the bride and groom had not been expecting this either.

* * *

Tony found himself chuckling. The James Bond theme tune! Only Lily would pick that music for a dance. Well, Lily and himself.

The boss and the boss' boss looked simultaneously confused and furious. It could only be Lily; that much was obvious. But Lily never did anything the easy way when she could come up with a more impressive stunt. And this seemed far too easy…

As if on cue, the doors at the far side opened and five men dressed in very smart tuxes ran in. Tony was puzzled. Why men? Why tuxes? It didn't make any sense. There was something going on here that he did not understand. These guys didn't look CIA, and what would she be doing with CIA agents anyway?

His questions were answered when, as one, the men ripped off their tops.

Strippers.

Lily had hired strippers.

They danced around to the music, slowly undressing. The ladies in the audience started clapping and hooting. He glanced over and noticed Ziva was clapping along and laughing, while Abby was bouncing in her seat and McGee looked bemused.

He turned his attention back to the strippers at the same time they removed their pants. The ladies cheered and whistled in delight. Tony had to admit he was impressed; Lily had hired some good, handsome men. He had no idea how much it had cost, but it was worth it.

Jenny and Gibbs had moved slightly off the floor to give room to the strippers. Gibbs was looking around, trying to pinpoint Lily, while Jenny was watching the men in front of her.

When the strippers removed their boxers, the whole room erupted. Quite a few of the guests were on their feet, shouting and applauding, including some of the men. Glancing at the crowd, Tony wasn't sure if Fornell was on his feet, but it definitely looked like him…

Finally, the music ended and the strippers ran out. The room was in disarray. Some guests at the back had ended up standing on tables, and others were on chairs. Women were discussing what had just happened at the tops of their voices, and men were generally discussing anything. Several people began a chant for an encore.

Over the bubble of noise, he heard Mrs. Mallard very clearly.

"I wonder if any of those nice young boys are single."

* * *

Jenny rested her head on her husband's chest. It still hadn't quite sunk in that she was married now. And to Jethro! She felt her head skip a beat as she settled further into his arms.

They had shared their first dance as a married couple finally. Thankfully, the sound system was now working correctly. It had been a nice, slow dance, and she felt secure in his arms. She felt loved and special, and wanted nothing more to go home.

But the evening was not over yet. They still had to cut the cake, and put up with any more stunts Lily tried to pull.

And there would undoubtedly be more. Lily had planned this many so far; she would not stop until she had done something at every stage. Strangely, she did not feel as though her sister had ruined her wedding; far from it. This series of tricks were designed to show how much she cared, that she would go to great effort for them. If she really wasn't happy, she would have blown up the church or not bothered to appear at all.

This did not mean that Jenny was particularly happy about it. In a few years, months, even possibly weeks, she would look back on this and laugh. But right now she wanted to enjoy herself, and she wanted Jethro to be happy. Focusing on Lily was using up far too much energy.

As other couples filled the floor, she pulled Jethro into a corner and snagged Lily, who had been walking straight past.

"Don't get any blood on the carpet," Lily joked immediately. "It costs an absolute fortune to clean."

"Explain yourself," Jenny hissed.

"The strippers?" her errant sister queried. "Sorry about that. I'm supposed to be at a hen party for a CIA agent tonight, and I ordered the strippers for her. I must have got the addresses mixed up. They'll have the undertaker though, so it isn't a complete loss."

"If you do anything else," Gibbs warned beside her. "I will personally kick your butt to Mexico."

Lily shrugged. Jenny knew her sister was practically immune to threats now. "What else can I do?" she questioned. "There's only the cutting of the cake left. How can I mess that up?"

'_How indeed?_' Jenny mused as she and Jethro moved away. She decided to be more proactive. She could think of one way to stick a spanner in the works…


	4. The Cake

_Thanks to my wonderful beta Kristen! This is the final chapter - but do not worry, I am planning out Hectic Honeymoon. I am debating making it M, but I will need to persuade a friend of mine to help me first... Chocolate bribery might work._

Chapter 4: The Cake

Timothy McGee stared at the wedding cake in a strange mixture of awe and horror. This was going to give Abby even more wild ideas about her own wedding cake. Considering how excited she already was about the rest of her wedding planning, it would not help.

It was a three tiered cake, covered in pale blue icing. Around the side of each tier, white icing in the shape of leaves made it look beautiful. It was a simple cake, but stunning. And Abby would go crazy over it.

He watched Jenny and Gibbs laughing softly together. They seemed more relaxed now, probably before Ziva was standing directly next to Lily. Rumor had it that the bride had asked Ziva to hold a knife to Lily's side, in an attempt to prevent her from doing anything else crazy. It was almost certainly going to be necessary; Lily had done something at every stage so far, except the meal. Or perhaps she had done something to the food…

McGee cast his mind back. She had been eating, so she couldn't have put anything in there. And she had been drinking the champagne as well, although she probably preferred bourbon. So what could she have done?

He thought a little more, back to the conversation she had had with Tony. She had been eating pork. Wasn't pork not normally served at receptions?

He had a sudden horrifying feeling that she had done something to the food, something they had yet to realize. It would be just like her to spread her games out, letting them all kick in at different times.

He glanced around the room, and noticed the crowd was a little thin. People had been slowly excusing themselves for the last fifteen minutes or so, and not returning. Whatever was in the food was starting to take effect. He resisted the urge to panic, not wanting to worry Abby. There must have been something in Abby's food as well!

He decided to stay for the cake cutting and then run. He wanted to keep his fiancé safe, not leave her at the mercy of a crazy CIA agent.

* * *

Ziva David held the knife firmly at Lily's side. The redhead understood that she would not hesitate to use it if she tried any more tricks.

This did not sit well with the Israeli. It was not that she was threatening people – she did that all the time – but she felt that Lily would not care, regardless. She was probably already planning something to get her out of this position, and it would not be good for either of them. Ziva sincerely hoped it would not turn into a wrestling match in the middle of the floor, as Jenny would not be happy about it.

Nevertheless, Lily was a formidable opponent. If she appeared to have given up, as she did now, it only meant she had something else planned. And it was Ziva's job to make sure that nothing further happened.

All they had to get through was the cutting of the cake. After that, Jenny and Gibbs would retire for the night, everyone would go home, and Lily could be left to her own devices again. The bride and groom would leave for their honeymoon tomorrow, and all would be right with the world.

Until a certain CIA agent managed to stick her nose into another investigation and caused more trouble than the rest of the FBI and CIA combined, but they could cross that bridge when they came to it.

Or she decided to harass Gibbs again, or left yet another dead pig on his desk. Jenny could deal with that one though.

It took her a moment to realize that she needed the bathroom. And desperately. She did not want to leave Lily; however she did not want to drag the redhead with her. Lily would complain, fight, argue, and possibly disappear. Cursing the fact she had left her handcuffs in her car, she wondered if she could leave her with someone else.

But who? Not Tony: she could seduce him. Not McGee: she could overpower him too easily. Not Abby: there would be blood on the carpet. Not Ducky: Lily would blow up the whole room rather than listen to a rambling story. And Jenny and Gibbs were out of the question.

She closed her eyes briefly and realized it didn't matter. Whatever she did, Lily would break free. It was easier just to let her finish the game.

Concealing her knife, she ran for the bathroom.

* * *

Lily resisted the urge to smirk as Ziva left, mumbling something about not feeling well. The laxatives were kicking in slightly early, but that could be viewed as a good thing; it had removed an assassin from her side. And Ziva would undoubtedly kill her if she saw her final act.

Months of planning had gone into this. In her defense, she had been planning and executing a number of different games and operations at the same time. Her final act would cause everyone to remember this wedding, and her.

Oh, if only she could rub her hands together and cackle in glee without giving the game away to the lovebirds. She had practiced her straight face for the last few weeks, determined not to spoil the whole game by bursting into laughter just before she did something. Everything was paying off nicely, and she planned to rewatch the whole reception again and again via all the hidden bugs that were recording this.

She would certainly send everyone in the CIA a copy by email. She was tempted to do the same to NCIS. And YouTube would bring this to a wider audience…

Jenny and LJ finally approached the cake. They were smiling and laughing; Lily felt like joining in but for different reasons. Slowly and deliberately, she broke away from the table and made her way closer to the door. She didn't want to ruin her dress and she might need to make a fast getaway. Still, she did not want to miss this.

LJ picked up the knife and offered it to Jenny. Together, they bought the knife closer to the cake.

SPLAT

The bottom two tiers of the cake exploded. The top tier fell to the table, only one small part of it staying together. Everyone was covered in cake, especially the bride and groom.

It took a few seconds for the confusion and shock to leave Jenny's face and for her to figure out what had just happened. Fury appeared in her eyes, but Lily did not run. Not yet. It wasn't over…

A little mechanical toy popped out of the single undestroyed part of the cake, and everyone turned to stare at it. It began to play a silly jingle, offering its wedding congratulations.

With the room still in shock, Lily edged her way to the door, giving a jaunty wave in the direction of her sister and brother-in-law. Overall, she felt that had gone rather well.

And she had no plans to ease up for the honeymoon…

THE END…


End file.
